Shirell Gross 6/22/20 Shirell Gross 6/22/20

I will not give in...You will not break me

This will not break me, I will not give in nor will I back down. I will proudly stand for what I believe in. Bubba Wallace

Motivational Monday!!

My post is dedicated to Bubba Wallace. He is the only black driver in NASCAR's top circuit. Over the weekend a noose was found hanging in his team's garage. Many of us write posts, we speak up in relatively protected environments, we write articles, blogs, and/or books about environments that we are not in and/or have left. I am not saying it does not take courage, but when you read about situations like Mr. Wallace you see a display of courage today that is beyond measure.

He spoke out against the confederate flag at NASCAR events, he raced with a Black Lives Matter paint scheme on his car at an event last week, and he participates in a sport where he is not surrounded by participants that look like him and/or share his view or concern.

Regardless of your battle or issue, at some point, you have to decide will you, with an unwavering conviction, take a stand? It will not break you, you will choose not to give in or back down. You will proudly stand up for what you believe.

#BubbaWallace #courage #shirellspeaks

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2020/jun/17/bubba-wallace-nascar-confederate-flag

Shirell Gross 6/16/20 Shirell Gross 6/16/20

Don't shrink back in fear!

Take it on Tuesday!

When we stop re-reading the last chapter of our life, we leave room to write a new one. Tamara Levitt

How often have you spent hours ruminating over a past "bad" decision, failure, and/or disappointment? It's so easy to get into this loop of negative thinking and you just can't seem to get yourself out of this trap. The simple fact is you just have to stop. Yes, you are probably saying, I can't! I am telling you, YOU CAN!

Every failure, disappointment, or bad decision means you learned something and you took a risk. Don't shrink back in fear of trying again, use it. The ability to leverage what you learned involves you moving forward and applying the learnings to your future. So, today, take 10 minutes and do the following:

1. Grab a notebook

2. Write down the failure, disappointment, or bad decision on one side.

3. Write down what you learned about the situation, yourself, or others on the other side.

4. Flip the paper over then write down how you are going to apply your learnings

5. Finally, write 5 positive things about yourself for overcoming the experiences.

Now let's get on with the future! www.shirellspeaks.com/getready

#leadership #future #moveonward #shirellspeaks

Shirell Gross 6/15/20 Shirell Gross 6/15/20

It's time to Bloom!

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom-Anais-Nin

The fear of the unknown is one of the greatest reasons why we don't change. Whether it's an organization failing to look deeply at their institutional structures that may hinder equitable opportunities for leadership OR as individuals suffering through not living to our potential, the pain will eventually become too great. As humans, we often wait until there's a societal or an internal spiritual uprising to change, much of what we are seeing right now. The pain became too much to bear.

Take time to assess where you are and what changes you need to make in your organization or life to truly blossom. Don't wait until the pain becomes so great and decisions literally become a matter of life or death. When you take a step towards progress, face the unknown you will find that it is not that scary after all. Knowing exactly all the steps forward is a little overrated, you squander the adventures of the journey.

#change #changeleadership #shirellspeaks #courageousleadership #blossom #change

Shirell Gross 6/8/20 Shirell Gross 6/8/20

Time to stop crushing spirits: Employees of Color are saving themselves

Motivational Monday!

Psalm 34:18 -The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit

When a spirit is crushed it is one of the most devastating experiences in a human’s life. Sadly, spirits are often crushed by outward actions and the inaction by many corporations and other institutions. I worked in three of the least diverse industries, pharmaceutical, medical device, and a law firm. I have experienced both as an Executive and an emerging leader a crushed spirit. I have also watched, fought against, and comforted crushed spirits. Yes, spirit-crushing can happen to anyone, but the occurrence and impact on people of color (especially African Americans) is far more insidious than any other group of employees. Please understand that a crushed spirit must go back home and still take care of a home, children, family members, their community, house of worship, and still show back up to work and pretend that everything is ok.

You may be thinking, I have not crushed a spirt. I do not work for an organization that crushes spirits, we respect all differences. You may even have a fancy consultant rich inclusion statement. Perhaps you posted a Black Lives Matter statement.

Well here are some examples of what spirit-crushing looks like to a person of color?

A Senior Executive Team and Corporate Board that looks nothing like them
Lack of recognition, specific feedback, or a serious discussion about their career and/or development opportunities within a company/institution.
Watching their manager or colleagues dine, have coffee, discuss a project, or an opportunity, and they were not invited to the conversation.
Facial expressions, change of voice tone, minor criticisms, jokes, or offhand comments when they are speaking and the behavior is not seen with anyone else.
Reading or being forced to write a diversity statement that they know is not practiced within the systems and structures of their organization, especially after a need to convince leadership it is the right thing to do.

I left Corporate and entered leadership development work to prepare future leaders. Honestly, I have found that most clients want to exit, especially in corporations. I believe there are mindset changes happening with employees.

My Motivation Monday message is for corporations and institutions. Please use this time to do something different, think different, and be different. Employees of color will no longer be waiting for you to figure it out, they are tired of crushed spirits. They are saving themselves.

Shirell Gross 5/26/20 Shirell Gross 5/26/20

Be grounded in humility

Take it on Tuesday

Humility, that low, sweet root, from which all heavenly virtues shoot.-Thomas Moore

Have you ever taken the time to really understand humility? Humility can mean so many things, but one thing is clear it is deeply connected to our ego-self. We are given inconsistent messages, be humble but be prideful. Be humble, but define your worth solely on ego standards of success and riches. Be humble, but have a high view of yourself so that others will respect you. Be humble, but treat others as if they are less important than you.

In reality, you must guard yourself on being controlled by the ego-self because it will fool you into inflated self-importance and make you dangerously proud. For me humility is a state of being, not actions. I strive for sincere humility every day so that I can be open to learning, growing, and supporting others. My humility is the source of my strength, not my ego.

Life will have changes, so will the people in your life, jobs, your importance to others, successes, etc it will all change over time. I have seen “great” people and institutions fall and “lower” rise.

But when you seek a spirit of true humility you need not worry. Why? You will move your ego out of the way and you will SEE and BE OPEN for what is on the horizon in your life.

#humility #grounded #shirellspeaks #purpose

Shirell Gross 5/20/20 Shirell Gross 5/20/20

To make a Change.. take the first step

You don't make progress by standing on the sidelines, whimpering and complaining. You make progress by implementing ideas. -Shirley Chisholm

If you are not happy with the direction of your life make a change. We are not born to just exist, but to always be reaching towards full self-actualization of our goals. You may not know all the answers, just do something. Take that first next step, don't wait for others to solve your problems. Own your power

What next step will you take today? Don't let fear stop you, real courage is when you just do it afraid

Shirell Gross 5/18/20 Shirell Gross 5/18/20

Are you ready to get UNSTUCK? Take a break from self-help and spend 10 minutes with GOD

We are living amongst multiple self-help generations. We also have books, podcasts, seminars, and even amazing Ted Talks, but yet we are often habitually stuck. Why? Because we are facing one or more of these dilemmas:

We really don’t know what we want
We struggle with setting reasonable expectations
We have a lack of self-worth
We don’t act with intention

When we get stuck it’s GOD’s way of tapping us saying “I have more for you, now spend time with me and go get it”. In reality, t’s hard to believe this when we are bombarded with negative mindsets, negative people, and negative experiences, all of which prevent us from hearing the voice of GOD. But, when we tune away from these outward negative experiences and emotions and tune inward to the silent inner voice of GOD we will get the clarity we need to get unstuck. For those of us who are self-helpers, it is very difficult not knowing the full journey or an outcome before we move forward. So, rather than dealing with the uncertainty we do nothing and get stuck. But getting unstuck requires we do the opposite of what we are doing.

I had many experiences of being stuck, tried to solve it myself, and my self-help eventually left me stressed, anxious, and depressed. When I started spending just 10 minutes every day in mediation and prayer, I was able to listen to that inner voice of GOD and make intentional “next steps” in my life. I am still on a journey and so are you, we will be on this journey for the rest of our lives. But, when we get stuck, we can plug into a higher source of power and get moving once again.

Get more specific advice in my recent Thrive Global article

Thrive Global-Are you ready to get UNSTUCK?

https://thriveglobal.com/stories/are-you-ready-to-get-unstuck/

Shirell Gross 5/12/20 Shirell Gross 5/12/20

Renew your wings and fly like an eagle

Take it on Tuesday!

I belong to a prayer group my dear friend Michele invited me to a few weeks back. Today our leader explained the eagle’s molting process where old feathers are replaced with new feathers. This renewal process allows the eagle to continue to soar. She went on to described how we need to get rid of old things that hold us back from the new things God has for us. I thought about how old habits, past disappointment, and failure hold us back don’t they? We carry around old habits, hurts, disappointments, and failures that weigh us down preventing us from soaring to greater heights.

Our minds have been trained to constantly look back at the past. I do believe the past has value because it gives us a strong identity about our culture/history, it teaches us valuable lessons, provides perspective by showing the predictability of life and gives us a starting point to navigate solutions for contemporary problems.

But, bringing forward the past also brings us two unwelcomed visitors -(1) old habits and (2) an unmanaged fixation over past failures, hurts, and disappointments. We often get stuck in thinking and doing things the way we always did and we struggle to move past failures and disappointment. Both of these block new ideas and prevents us from renewing our wings and flying! When we borrow from past disappointments failures and habits, we are stealing from future possibilities.

If you have something holding you back have a burial ceremony. Bury it in the dirt, throw it down the drain, cast it into the sea, say goodbye to the past disappointment, failure, or negative habit. Start renewing your mind today, the way an eagle renews its wings. Don’t rush, it will be a gradual ongoing process you will need to work on every day. But, just stick with it and you will take flight and soar!

Shirell Gross 5/11/20 Shirell Gross 5/11/20

Stop playing small to make others look big

Motivational Monday!

If you are confident about your strength, you don’t need to show me by putting someone else down, show me how strong you are that you can lift someone else up-President Barack Obama

I was once talking to a friend about why she left her “big” job. I thought she was doing well where she was and her departure surprised me. She told me plain and simple, she was tired of playing small so that others around her can look bigger. I was so proud of her because the moment she made that decision an even bigger and better opportunity came and she is thriving. We often “play” small to make others more comfortable, to be less threatening, and/or to be seen as a team player. While I can not speak to every situation in this blog, you know when you are playing small. You have that nagging sick feeling in your stomach that you brush aside in order to keep the peace.

I know that feeling and I have been guilty of playing small myself to survive. Unfortunately, in doing so subconsciously I accepted the limited thoughts that then soon plagued my brain. Yes, there will be times when you have to politically navigate situations for a greater outcome. However, consistently playing small will not serve you and you will eventually become the role you are playing. A person who requires you to be small will never champion you for greater things. They are insecure and not strong enough to handle your greatness. If this is you, your first step is to gain awareness of when you are playing small and the second step is to take intentional actions to stop playing small. If you need support to seek it, you will be better off and the future leaders need you to show up in your full power.

Photo by Kiana Bosman

Shirell Gross 5/5/20 Shirell Gross 5/5/20

If you gave your power away... go get it back! (Copy)

Take it Back Tuesday!!

Today, it is truly a take it back day. We sometimes get tired, discouraged, or disappointed and that can cause us to live by habit. What happens when we live by habit? We stop making concrete plans, we don’t hold ourselves accountable, and we engage in unhealthy habits. We are productive, get up, go to work, take care of kids, and/other responsibilities, but we don’t give ourselves dedicated time to think about our life.

I appreciate that it is hard being intentional. Why? Intentionality requires we make tough decisions and be in scary places. For some of us, someone and/or circumstances caused us to stop believing in ourselves. or expecting more for our life. Undoubtedly, there are people who do not wish the best for you, and life sometimes knocks you down. But, we remember 2 things-there are more people for you than against you! and life also has a mixture of good and bad times. It is so easy to get into a false mental trap, the mind naturally holds on to negative thoughts. Our minds ruminate over lack and what we are not. But, you must train our brain and take your power back.

So, if you handed your power to another that makes you make you feel like less, go and get it back. If you handed your power to the falsities of your mind, go get it back. Decide today, you will take 10 minutes to sit down every day over the next week and make intentional decisions about your life. Write it down! Find an accountability partner. Don’t be afraid, you have all the courage you need nesting inside.

You don’t become what you want, you become what you believe-Oprah Winfrey

Shirell Gross 5/4/20 Shirell Gross 5/4/20

If you gave your power away... go get it back!

Take it Back Tuesday!!

You don’t become what you want, you become what you believe-Oprah Winfrey

Shirell Gross 5/4/20 Shirell Gross 5/4/20

The 4 Power words you must say more often......Can you help me? (Copy)

The 4 Power Words you must say more often…… Can you help me?

Can you help me? Yes, let’s practice it right now! Say it three times now out loud.

May is mental health month and we know it’s a common fact that women are more anxious and depressed than ever. I was going to cite the research (the lawyer in me) and I decided no. Why? Because we know it’s true! We have professional, family, and societal pressures that are humanly unmanageable. For Women of Color when you add in racism and loneliness at work, it’s even more devastating. But as women, we keep pressing on. We can’t control everything, but one thing we can do more often is ask for help. We must change our mindset in believing we can do everything ourselves and no one else is available to help us and/or others should not be held accountable to do their part.

Let’s break this down further and have a real talk. Undoubtedly for some of us, we feel vulnerable asking for help. I know, I am in that camp, My heart beats fast, I feel weak, less “powerful” and needy. But, I had a few times in my life when I reached the end of my own abilities and had to ask, but by then I am usually in a desperate state. The key is to ask for help when you need it and ask for help often. Don’t wait until you have no choice. Yes, I know what if they say no or ignore you? Well, that will happen (including from friends, known associates, and colleagues) and now you have full awareness of where you stand in that relationship. But, your response to that NO depends on the situation, and either way, it will make you stronger. But, don’t let it stop you from getting the help you need.

What happens when you are intentional and ask for help? You have more control, more power, act with intention, develop stronger relationships, and most importantly less anxiety. Another big bonus, you hold others accountable for doing their part.

Here are 4 scenarios I want you to use these words more often:

Work-If you want to be promoted and/or developed ask your management. Don’t be afraid of the answer, it will allow you to make better decisions on your career.
At Home-for chores or other household responsibilities- it empowers and holds others accountable and you teach a valuable lesson on boundaries.
Yourself- what do you need that you are not giving yourself? More positive affirmation, acceptance, alone time. You know the answer.
Network- do not assume where your help will come from, most often it is from people you don’t or do not know well. They simply want to help

To turn a corner, you must do this every day until it becomes more comfortable. But do it you must. Now start today. These three words will open up many doors so now let’s say it together- Can you help me?

Asking for other’s guidance helps you see what you may not be able to see. it’s always important to check your ego and ask for help. Ken Blanchard