RESET in 2023

he secret of getting ahead is getting started-Mark Twain.

This is the time of the year when we set new goals and dreams. We really need to simplify this journey to avoid the self-fulfilling letdown. How do we do that? Well, the daily focus should not be the big goal(s), rather the focus should be the small steps we take every day to reach our goals. Also, have a growth mindset and do not fixate on the ultimate goal(s), remaining flexible to pivot as needed because life and minds do change!

I firmly believe in RESETS, not just at the top of the year but taking advantage of the everyday opportunity to start again.

So, here are a few of my tips:

RESET
R-Remind yourself of your why when you are really ready to give up
E-Everyday is a day to start over again
S-Speak affirming words to yourself-manage the negative self-talk
E-Everybody will have an opinion, but does it matter? Probably not
T-Tell only a trusted few about your goals but tell someone that will help keep you accountable

2023-Let's keep it simple, release the drama and take it one day at a time.

Getting Unstuck

Take it on Tuesday!

The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation which is always neutral-which always is what it is. Eckhart Tolle

Getting unstuck is simple change your perspective, and you change the situation. Oprah Winfrey

I know for myself this is not easy to accept, but it is true. Our mindset is the lens through which we see every situation. Our mindset is always the basis from which we feel empowered or helpless.

I often say there is no rescue boat coming, so if you want to get to the other side, you better start rowing. Getting unstuck is hard because we often look for people or external situations to lift us out of this debilitating situation. But in essence, we have to decide the next steps and create the path for which we will get unstuck.

So, if you are stuck ask yourself

1. What habits are you repeating?

2. What can you do that you have not done to change your situation?

3. What action plan have you put in place?

Being stuck is a mindset. Change your mind, change your life.

#mindset #goals #breakthroughs #unstuck

Choose peace

Take it on Tuesday!

Nothing can bring you peace but yourself -

Ralph Waldo Emerson

We have lots of ways to help calm anxiety. Meditation apps, exercise classes, hanging out with friends, our spiritual journey, etc. But the common denominator in all of these is YOU. Nothing will work without acting with intention and making a decision to choose peace. We have lots of excuses and/or explanations but in reality, we get to choose how we will live our life.

Don't wait for others to give your peace, only you can do that for yourself.

#peace #peaceofmind #acceptance #acceptyourself

Are you showing your employees the way?

Motivational Monday!!

When you find a man who has lost his way, you don't make fun of him and scorn him and leave him there. You show him the way. If you don't do that, you prove that you're sort of lost yourself.- Zora Neale Hurston

As a leader, our job is not to constantly criticize our employees or others below our chain of command, but to work earnestly to bring them up to performance standards. So often, we lose the patience and empathy required to put an employee back on the path to better performance. Instead, we jump to the familiar course of "managing them out" of the organization.

I am not denying that there are times that is the best course for the employee and the organization. However, before you jump to that conclusion take a step back to make sure you did your part as a leader. That is, did you show them the way or did you leave them to figure it out by themselves?

Just keep coming

Motivational Monday!

Nothing can stop the power of a committed and determined people to make a difference in our society. Why? Because human beings are the most dynamic link to the divine on this planet.-John Lewis

John Lewis reminds us that we can never underestimate the power of commitment and determination and our individual ability to effectuate change. We do not always have to come to the table with the right answers. However, just keep coming with the right attitude AND the will to make a difference, the change will come.

#change #makeadifference #consistency

Drop the Mic conversation with the YWCA of Northern New Jersey

A great conversation with YWCA CEO Helen Archontou discussing:

1. Leadership development

2. Mentor and Sponsorship

3. Black women advocating for themselves in the work environment and allyship

4. Pathways to promotion

5. Role modeling

Copy in browser

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=3298161647075506

What is your motivation?

Motivational Monday!

What's your motivation?

There are times in life when staying the course becomes harder and harder as obstacles seem to constantly get in the way. The obstacles can be challenges, negative thinking, fatigue, unfavorable circumstances, people, etc. It is so easy to give up when it doesn't seem to be working out. That is the perfect time to ask yourself what is your motivation?

Your motivation has to come from deep inside. When we have conversations about purpose, intentional living etc., it can be a de-motivator if you are still trying to find your way. But, if you simply take the time to ask yourself what is my motivation for staying your course, you suddenly realize your reasons are often greater than yourself and that revelation alone gives you purpose.

So, when you are weary and you want to give up, ask yourself what is my motivation?

#motivation #purpose #intentional #dontgiveup #shirellspeaks

Run your own race.....

Take it on Tuesday!!

Like happiness, unhappiness usually springs from a comparison. Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I have found that comparing myself with others completely distracts me from my journey. Both contemporary and ancient wisdom warns us about the danger of comparison. Why is it so harmful? To name a few- its distracting, breeds unhealthy feelings of envy and jealousy, invites anxiety and depression, and most of all it's a complete waste of time.

Your race is yours so there's no need to jump into another lane to run someone's race. You have enough to do getting yourself to the finish line. Have faith that all will work out for you just as it is meant to be. Focus on preparing yourself and resting in the experience of your journey.

Face the real problem

Motivational Monday!

"Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced"- James Baldwin

As we settle into another month of uncertainty, it can bring about paralyzing or knee jerk reactions to problems. You may be trying to grab a hold of what the future holds while still trying to tend to your needs, want, and desire. For some companies, it's a recognition they need to change, but don't quite know what to do. As a result, there is a rush to do something. But, in the meantime, they fail to tend to the employees who are patiently waiting for some of that generosity to trickle down their path.

The issue is not wanting to face the real problem. For companies, it's easier to grab external people than to face the hard truth and honest feedback of their employees. Perhaps, it's not wanting to face you have outgrown your role fearing a move in our unstable society.

Change will not happen without hard facts and making tough decisions. The road is bumpy before it is smooth, but the work will clear a path for a better future.

Burdens are meant to be shared

Motivational Monday

The size of your burden is never as important as the way you carry it. Lena Horne

Burdens are a part of life, even though we all wish they will disappear. Burdens can be light or heavy but in both circumstances it requires we carry a load. Most of us instinctively carry our burdens alone for a variety of reasons. We perhaps dislike vulnerability, habitually jump into problem-solving mode, don’t want to be a burden, and/or have developed a habit of going it alone.

My cousin reminded me of an incident in college with an English Professor. I handed in a paper that was graded pretty harshly. I was disappointed but was resolved to do better when I received the paper, understanding the transition from high school to college. After class, the professor approached me and said, well I often have this issue with Black students from inner-city neighborhoods and schools, your writing styles require work. WHAT? Ok wait, I was in a busing program and was sent to one of the top “suburban” schools in CT and graduated with high honors. Regardless, even if I had attended an inner-city school his bias about me and my education, had already determined my success in his class. I immediately went to see Dean Keith Motley (then Dean of Minority Student Affairs) who (with me in tow) addressed him on my behalf. Thereafter, we marched to the Dean’s office where he articulated his concerns and demanded better. My burden was shared!! In the next class, I felt empowered knowing the way I carried that burden showed up in that classroom. After class, he approached me again, but this time with less arrogance stating you didn’t have to tell on me. I stated you didn’t have to say what you said. Case closed.

So don’t go it alone. Find someone to share your burden. Whether it is an advocate or an adviser burdens are meant to be shared.

Questions to consider

1. What is a pressing burden?

2. Who can you share it with?

3. What do you need from them to help you?

4. What holds you back from sharing your burdens?

5. How did it feel when you seek and receive help?

Stay focused on Self-acceptance

As I get older, the more I stay focused on the acceptance of myself and others and choose compassion over judgment and curiosity over fear.

Tracee Ellis Ross

Motivational Monday!!

As a rising Executive/Leader I exhibited lots of confidence, even on days I did not necessarily feel that way on the inside. It is very hard to accept yourself in an environment where you are either the only or one of a few AND you experience repeated (subtle and overt) forms of inequity, gender, and racial biases. But I am a fighter so I kept going.

Companies are pledging for a better future, but "real change" requires new mindsets, structural and systemic changes, and the heart to get it right. Time will tell which companies are willing to do the work and make the sacrifice for change.

In the meantime, focus on your own self-acceptance and development. You have to take responsibility for yourself, there is no rescue boat coming.

When you open yourself up to new people and experiences you realize you have more inside of you than what you believed. Suddenly, fear, doubt, and judgment start to lose its grip and excitement, curiosity and boldness can take its place

Control your Expectations to an Inconsistent person

“Consistency is the true foundation of trust. Either keep your promises or do not make them.”

― Roy T. Bennett

Take it on Tuesday!!

This quote actually has two lessons, both related to the importance of being a trustworthy person.

1. Be consistent on how you show up for yourself and others. We all know people that in every interaction you don't know what to expect. Will they be on point or sloppy? Will they respond or ignore you? Will they be pleasant or mean? I need not say anymore. Just know, Inconsistent people can not be trusted period. If you are wrecking your brain trying to adjust your life to or understand an inconsistent person, don't bother they will derail your goals. Accept it, learn from it, and then move on.

2. Promises are not made to be broken. We have entered into a "loose promises" society. Yes, we all have broken promises, but the better discipline is to be more intentional about making promises. People often get distracted or lose interest in past promises and then easily break them. Be leery of people who make promises too quickly, it is better that you manage your expectations vs becoming overly upset over a broken promise.

You can not control others, but you can control your expectations.-Shirell Gross

A friend of mine always say, when someone shows you who they are believe them.

www.shirellspeaks.com

#trust #shirellspeaks

I will not give in...You will not break me

This will not break me, I will not give in nor will I back down. I will proudly stand for what I believe in. Bubba Wallace

Motivational Monday!!

My post is dedicated to Bubba Wallace. He is the only black driver in NASCAR's top circuit. Over the weekend a noose was found hanging in his team's garage. Many of us write posts, we speak up in relatively protected environments, we write articles, blogs, and/or books about environments that we are not in and/or have left. I am not saying it does not take courage, but when you read about situations like Mr. Wallace you see a display of courage today that is beyond measure.

He spoke out against the confederate flag at NASCAR events, he raced with a Black Lives Matter paint scheme on his car at an event last week, and he participates in a sport where he is not surrounded by participants that look like him and/or share his view or concern.

Regardless of your battle or issue, at some point, you have to decide will you, with an unwavering conviction, take a stand? It will not break you, you will choose not to give in or back down. You will proudly stand up for what you believe.

#BubbaWallace #courage #shirellspeaks

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2020/jun/17/bubba-wallace-nascar-confederate-flag

Don't shrink back in fear!

Take it on Tuesday!

When we stop re-reading the last chapter of our life, we leave room to write a new one. Tamara Levitt

How often have you spent hours ruminating over a past "bad" decision, failure, and/or disappointment? It's so easy to get into this loop of negative thinking and you just can't seem to get yourself out of this trap. The simple fact is you just have to stop. Yes, you are probably saying, I can't! I am telling you, YOU CAN!

Every failure, disappointment, or bad decision means you learned something and you took a risk. Don't shrink back in fear of trying again, use it. The ability to leverage what you learned involves you moving forward and applying the learnings to your future. So, today, take 10 minutes and do the following:

1. Grab a notebook

2. Write down the failure, disappointment, or bad decision on one side.

3. Write down what you learned about the situation, yourself, or others on the other side.

4. Flip the paper over then write down how you are going to apply your learnings

5. Finally, write 5 positive things about yourself for overcoming the experiences.

Now let's get on with the future! www.shirellspeaks.com/getready

#leadership #future #moveonward #shirellspeaks

It's time to Bloom!

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom-Anais-Nin

The fear of the unknown is one of the greatest reasons why we don't change. Whether it's an organization failing to look deeply at their institutional structures that may hinder equitable opportunities for leadership OR as individuals suffering through not living to our potential, the pain will eventually become too great. As humans, we often wait until there's a societal or an internal spiritual uprising to change, much of what we are seeing right now. The pain became too much to bear.

Take time to assess where you are and what changes you need to make in your organization or life to truly blossom. Don't wait until the pain becomes so great and decisions literally become a matter of life or death. When you take a step towards progress, face the unknown you will find that it is not that scary after all. Knowing exactly all the steps forward is a little overrated, you squander the adventures of the journey.

#change #changeleadership #shirellspeaks #courageousleadership #blossom #change

Time to stop crushing spirits: Employees of Color are saving themselves

Motivational Monday!

Psalm 34:18 -The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit

When a spirit is crushed it is one of the most devastating experiences in a human’s life. Sadly, spirits are often crushed by outward actions and the inaction by many corporations and other institutions. I worked in three of the least diverse industries, pharmaceutical, medical device, and a law firm. I have experienced both as an Executive and an emerging leader a crushed spirit. I have also watched, fought against, and comforted crushed spirits. Yes, spirit-crushing can happen to anyone, but the occurrence and impact on people of color (especially African Americans) is far more insidious than any other group of employees. Please understand that a crushed spirit must go back home and still take care of a home, children, family members, their community, house of worship, and still show back up to work and pretend that everything is ok.

You may be thinking, I have not crushed a spirt. I do not work for an organization that crushes spirits, we respect all differences. You may even have a fancy consultant rich inclusion statement. Perhaps you posted a Black Lives Matter statement.

Well here are some examples of what spirit-crushing looks like to a person of color?

1. A Senior Executive Team and Corporate Board that looks nothing like them

2. Lack of recognition, specific feedback, or a serious discussion about their career and/or development opportunities within a company/institution.

3. Watching their manager or colleagues dine, have coffee, discuss a project, or an opportunity, and they were not invited to the conversation.

4. Facial expressions, change of voice tone, minor criticisms, jokes, or offhand comments when they are speaking and the behavior is not seen with anyone else.

5. Reading or being forced to write a diversity statement that they know is not practiced within the systems and structures of their organization, especially after a need to convince leadership it is the right thing to do.

I left Corporate and entered leadership development work to prepare future leaders. Honestly, I have found that most clients want to exit, especially in corporations. I believe there are mindset changes happening with employees.

My Motivation Monday message is for corporations and institutions. Please use this time to do something different, think different, and be different. Employees of color will no longer be waiting for you to figure it out, they are tired of crushed spirits. They are saving themselves.

Be grounded in humility

Take it on Tuesday

Humility, that low, sweet root, from which all heavenly virtues shoot.-Thomas Moore

Have you ever taken the time to really understand humility? Humility can mean so many things, but one thing is clear it is deeply connected to our ego-self. We are given inconsistent messages, be humble but be prideful. Be humble, but define your worth solely on ego standards of success and riches. Be humble, but have a high view of yourself so that others will respect you. Be humble, but treat others as if they are less important than you.

In reality, you must guard yourself on being controlled by the ego-self because it will fool you into inflated self-importance and make you dangerously proud. For me humility is a state of being, not actions. I strive for sincere humility every day so that I can be open to learning, growing, and supporting others. My humility is the source of my strength, not my ego.

Life will have changes, so will the people in your life, jobs, your importance to others, successes, etc it will all change over time. I have seen “great” people and institutions fall and “lower” rise.

But when you seek a spirit of true humility you need not worry. Why? You will move your ego out of the way and you will SEE and BE OPEN for what is on the horizon in your life.

#humility #grounded #shirellspeaks #purpose

To make a Change.. take the first step

You don't make progress by standing on the sidelines, whimpering and complaining. You make progress by implementing ideas. -Shirley Chisholm

If you are not happy with the direction of your life make a change. We are not born to just exist, but to always be reaching towards full self-actualization of our goals. You may not know all the answers, just do something. Take that first next step, don't wait for others to solve your problems. Own your power

What next step will you take today? Don't let fear stop you, real courage is when you just do it afraid

Are you ready to get UNSTUCK? Take a break from self-help and spend 10 minutes with GOD

We are living amongst multiple self-help generations. We also have books, podcasts, seminars, and even amazing Ted Talks, but yet we are often habitually stuck. Why? Because we are facing one or more of these dilemmas:

• We really don’t know what we want

• We struggle with setting reasonable expectations

• We have a lack of self-worth

• We don’t act with intention

When we get stuck it’s GOD’s way of tapping us saying “I have more for you, now spend time with me and go get it”. In reality, t’s hard to believe this when we are bombarded with negative mindsets, negative people, and negative experiences, all of which prevent us from hearing the voice of GOD. But, when we tune away from these outward negative experiences and emotions and tune inward to the silent inner voice of GOD we will get the clarity we need to get unstuck. For those of us who are self-helpers, it is very difficult not knowing the full journey or an outcome before we move forward. So, rather than dealing with the uncertainty we do nothing and get stuck. But getting unstuck requires we do the opposite of what we are doing.

I had many experiences of being stuck, tried to solve it myself, and my self-help eventually left me stressed, anxious, and depressed. When I started spending just 10 minutes every day in mediation and prayer, I was able to listen to that inner voice of GOD and make intentional “next steps” in my life. I am still on a journey and so are you, we will be on this journey for the rest of our lives. But, when we get stuck, we can plug into a higher source of power and get moving once again.

Get more specific advice in my recent Thrive Global article

Thrive Global-Are you ready to get UNSTUCK?

https://thriveglobal.com/stories/are-you-ready-to-get-unstuck/

Renew your wings and fly like an eagle

Take it on Tuesday!

I belong to a prayer group my dear friend Michele invited me to a few weeks back. Today our leader explained the eagle’s molting process where old feathers are replaced with new feathers. This renewal process allows the eagle to continue to soar. She went on to described how we need to get rid of old things that hold us back from the new things God has for us. I thought about how old habits, past disappointment, and failure hold us back don’t they? We carry around old habits, hurts, disappointments, and failures that weigh us down preventing us from soaring to greater heights.

Our minds have been trained to constantly look back at the past. I do believe the past has value because it gives us a strong identity about our culture/history, it teaches us valuable lessons, provides perspective by showing the predictability of life and gives us a starting point to navigate solutions for contemporary problems.

But, bringing forward the past also brings us two unwelcomed visitors -(1) old habits and (2) an unmanaged fixation over past failures, hurts, and disappointments. We often get stuck in thinking and doing things the way we always did and we struggle to move past failures and disappointment. Both of these block new ideas and prevents us from renewing our wings and flying! When we borrow from past disappointments failures and habits, we are stealing from future possibilities.

If you have something holding you back have a burial ceremony. Bury it in the dirt, throw it down the drain, cast it into the sea, say goodbye to the past disappointment, failure, or negative habit. Start renewing your mind today, the way an eagle renews its wings. Don’t rush, it will be a gradual ongoing process you will need to work on every day. But, just stick with it and you will take flight and soar!